http://markieinmilwaukee.com/

From MarkieAnnas Heart.: HAPPY ONE YEAR ANNIVERSARY!

Mon, 01 Mar 2010 09:25:47 -0500

From MarkieAnnas Heart.: HAPPY ONE YEAR ANNIVERSARY!:

Happy One Year Anniversary to ‘From MarkieAnnas Heart’!

Thank you all for a great year!

The Blog began as a brain child of Markie,Matt, and Jael. To Document the daily events and feelings in my life. Through the first year my personal blog has been used to inspire ,to motivate,and educate. It…

Markie in Greenbay 3

Mon, 22 Feb 2010 21:49:43 -0500

Markie in Greenbay 3

Markie in Greenbay 2

Mon, 22 Feb 2010 21:48:53 -0500

Markie in Greenbay 2

Markie in Greenbay 1

Mon, 22 Feb 2010 21:48:19 -0500

Markie in Greenbay 1

msmarkieanna: So far I have been faithful to my daily walk. In...

Sun, 14 Feb 2010 13:38:27 -0500

msmarkieanna:

So far I have been faithful to my daily walk. In the first two weeks I have lost 5 lbs!

Happy Trails!

msmarkieanna: DAY 8 IDITA-WALK , TOTAL OF 45 MINUTES TODAY.

Mon, 08 Feb 2010 17:37:27 -0500

msmarkieanna:

DAY 8 IDITA-WALK , TOTAL OF 45 MINUTES TODAY.

A thought!

Wed, 27 Jan 2010 10:22:14 -0500

msmarkieanna:

Just thought I would share something that has been on my Heart for quite some time now.

The anti trans sexual view of the organized church, Dishonors Jesus Christ and the Gospel, Their Massage is that being trans is a choice, you can and should change,in order to be a Christian.But How long should it take for my desire to change? Ceasing the behavior dose not stop it. Read your Bible and pray more.And change is necessary to be acceptable to God. My acceptability to God is found in in Jesus Christ. Any other thought on this causes damage, in rejection,shame and conditional love . But My Bible says God’s love is unconditional. Seeing it any other way,is abuse and suicide for those who try and cannot change..This message damages family’s and individuals.This is a broken truth for mandated change ,to be acceptable to God.Guilt ,anxiety,and self loathing even as a Christian are a result.

Statements like you might not be a Christian, I trusted Christ as Saviour 12/15/1978.

You might not read your Bible and pray enough,You do not have enough faith,or perhaps you have a demon. All things that have been said to me. The message comes down to ‘Your not enough’ ,Your not trying hard enough.You Do not have enough faith. I turned to fundamental Christianity,to try to change in the first place.And I tried over the years and even in the ministry to rid myself of my Tran sexuality.And By the way I am enough!My faith is stronger now than it has ever been.This message of Grace is very limiting.Limiting, In the long run spiritually, emotionally, and corrosive,which will prove mis guided .To deny who you really are to become who you really are not is indeed Insanity.

I am trusting Jesus Christ ,and the Holy Spirit for my righteousness ,credibility and support.

msmarkieanna: A Happy Girl!

Sun, 24 Jan 2010 20:06:21 -0500

msmarkieanna:

A Happy Girl!

EEO Policy Statement

Tue, 12 Jan 2010 22:19:28 -0500

msmarkieanna:

EEO Policy Statement: The United States Government does not discriminate in employment on the basis of race, color, religion, sex, national origin, political affiliation, sexual orientation, gender identity, marital status, disability, age, membership in an employee organization, or other non-merit factor.

Come on folks, if they can include gender identity for federal employment non discrimination. The Private sector, ought to have ENDA passed for non federal employees!

msmarkieanna: New Years greeting 2010! from Markie

Mon, 04 Jan 2010 12:03:59 -0500

msmarkieanna:

New Years greeting 2010! from Markie

msmarkieanna: Things change! Red & Black outfit...

Tue, 29 Dec 2009 17:30:58 -0500

msmarkieanna:

Things change!

Red & Black outfit 12/2009

Blue Outfit 11/2005

transpride: msmarkieanna: Suicide as a Possible Consequence of...

Sat, 26 Dec 2009 17:25:14 -0500

transpride:

msmarkieanna:

Suicide as a Possible Consequence of De-Transitioning
I offer the following possible explanation/scenario for what may have happened in the case of Mike Penner/Christine Daniels’ apparent suicide:

There are often so many problems that TS individuals face after transitioning that can make any rational person want to “rethink” why they transitioned in the first place. Certainly there may be a “honeymoon” period during and immediately post-transition when other’s acceptance and support for us is highest and we have even more enthusiasm and (unrealistic) expectations for the future as we near our “final goal”.

I know that Christine Daniels faced quite a few problems during and after her transition, but she also had a great deal of support from her co-workers there at the L.A. Times (as was reflected in her blog excerpts that she posted in her columns). She really was positive about her transition at that time!

But after a while, the day-to-day difficulties of our post-transition lives (when most of the initial excitement has faded away!) can get to us. Especially for M2F’s (having to get up far earlier each day than we did as men in order to put on makeup, do our hair, select the proper outfit, etc.)- All these “necessary” things we do to present ourselves to the world as women can become a real ‘drag’ (excuse the pun) once we actually have to do it day in/day out.

And we will always know that there are people out there (and many may be of great importance to us, such as our family and closest friends) who will never really accept us as our true selves, no matter what we do! All this can thus weigh us down and wear us out a little more each day until we start wondering why we ever considered that living our lives as women would be so wonderful or fulfilling in the first place!

Before and during transition, we had so many expectations about what our lives would be like when we were finally able to live as our true selves. But then we hit head-on with the harsh realities of living daily as women, we are stunned and chagrinned! [One of the hardest areas for many, including myself, is regarding dating/sexual relationships. It is common to be rejected time and time again due to our transgender past. And there is also the worry of possible violence occurring when your boyfriend finds out (assuming you are attracted to men).]

For M2F’s, there is also the reality that women are not as “appreciated” or rewarded for their accomplishments, especially in the business world. We are quite often treated in a condescending manner in public especially because we are “passing” so well. Even though I am a doctor and a university professor, I frequently get called “Honey” and the like at checkout stands, etc. (I usually laugh it off, for I am rather cute for my age ).

This “second-class citizenship” can be a great shock for us M2F’s! For when we have been so used to experiencing the privileges that this society so easily affords men, this can become another chronic irritant for us. Thus, many M2F’s become so bugged about what they are experiencing as women that they begin looking back at their “old” (pre-transition) lives with rose-colored glasses and (falsely) remembering how good it was to be treated as a male.

So, when they experience the truth of what life as a (trans)woman REALLY is, and they feel thwarted in those things that they thought (prior to our transition) would bring them the most joy- then regret often sets in. They then start thinking, “Did I make a big mistake?” And in the midst of their mounting depression and confusion (especially if they don’t seek medical and/or counseling support), they may then seriously consider de-transitioning. However, they have too quickly forgotten about how terrible their gender dysphoria was (pre-transition) that had prompted them to go through their difficult and often painful transition process in the first place!

[If you have a Jewish/Christian (Bible) background (as many of my counselee’s have, as I deal with a lot of Christian TS people), it is like the children of Israel after they left Egypt and were travelling around in the Sinai Desert. Whenever adversity befell them, they seemed to recall only the “good things” that they had when they were in captivity in Egypt (and disregarding the heavy servitude and whippings that they had been enduring at the hands of their Egyptian taskmasters) and were constantly complaining about how much better off they would be if they had stayed as slaves.]

It may be that a number of these factors influenced Christine’s decision to de-transition and try to resume her gender role as a male once more. But it would seem that this was not the solution to her problems either. I have worked with a number of post-transition M2F’s who in there despair and depression have seriously considering de-transitioning or have already started this process. I try to remind them that there is a high likelihood that when they try to resume their old gender role, that the same gender dysphoria they had before will again (eventually) return- often with a vengeance!

Then, those who have de-transitioned will realize that this was an even bigger mistake! And for them to “re-transition” at this point will be far more difficult than their first transition! For they will usually have lost all the support they had initially, as most of their friends/family will now abandon them because they think that the TS person must be crazy and/or they really don’t know what they want. Suicide then seems like their only way out of this impossible situation.

If that is what happened to Christine Daniels, then this is indeed a very sad story, but not an uncommon (eventual) consequence of de-transitioning. This makes a strong case for being very careful in our pre-transition counseling to try to help our TS patients develop realistic expectations for their new lives. They need to understand that they WILL encounter more unforeseen obstacles/problems than they can presently imagine. Also, there is a need for continuing counseling and peer support for post-transitioned TS, as many of them at this stage have already cut themselves off from their former support networks as they try to start (often from scratch) a new “normal” life.

Jennifer Burnett, MS, MD
UCSF-Fresno

A little bundle of joy!

Wed, 23 Dec 2009 11:44:55 -0500

msmarkieanna:

Just found out I am a grandparent to be! a little light in this season! via my daughter in law! oh happy day!

I Wanna Go Home

Sun, 20 Dec 2009 15:04:59 -0500

msmarkieanna:

It’s been some time… …yet here I am. So, what have I learned? I know what is hurting inside me now…

My mother turned 69 this year – That’s still pretty young in my book. Even so, I don’t think there is a day that goes by, I don’t hold my breath waiting to hear even just once, my mother say, I love you, Markie. I fear that day will never come.

Things just aren’t the same… but how can they be? I so badly want her to know how much I love her. Yet, I don’t know how to show or tell her, in a way that isn’t self-serving. I hate feeling so selfish about this… selfish in that, I need her love to validate me as real.

I see now where I went wrong with my mother though. I assumed… No… I expected her to just “accept, and love me” because I am her child… I’m such a fool.

I was very hurt that my mother never accepted me… but I understand now, that, my mom is still grieving me. I realize now, that this is a form of the highest love… because, she loves so much, she can’t let go I was very hurt that my mother never accepted me… but I understand now, that, my mom is still grieving me. I realize now, that this is a form of the highest love… because, she loves so much, she can’t let go.

I can see where she was so grief stricken , unable to breath. “he’s gone…” My life, is over… I have lived for nothing. All that I am or ever would be has been taken away. I want to die.

Then I cry.

transfm.squarespace.com

Fri, 18 Dec 2009 11:05:48 -0500

msmarkieanna:

TransFM

The Hellidaze Broadcast

I Appeared on Trans Fm This evening, Wow SOOO COOL!

LOVE YOU ETHAN!

Ethan Saint-Pierre
Right back at you my friend!

Susan Collins way to go MarkieAnna!

Happy Holidays, Seasons Greetings, Well ok MERRY CHRISTMAS AND...

Mon, 14 Dec 2009 11:03:41 -0500

Happy Holidays, Seasons Greetings, Well ok MERRY CHRISTMAS AND HAPPY NEW YEAR!

ALL THE BEST FOR 2009!
HUGS
Markie

msmarkieanna: Folks, I was quite honestly humbled and...

Thu, 10 Dec 2009 16:57:11 -0500

msmarkieanna:

Folks, I was quite honestly humbled and encouraged by this e mail I received today!

I WAS BLIND BUT NOW I SEE

Dear Ms. Markie, I am so humbled by your web posting of your friend you were waiting for in the parking lot. I have been so honored by the Lord to have not even known I was being used for His purpose. I honestly didn’t ever think my presence would have mattered. Growing up I did not have friends much and I guess I am so overwhelmed that you were waiting on me and you almost left. I just read and reread that posting and I just had to sit in silence and thank Jesus for letting me get there in time before you left. I also thank Him for showing me that someone did look for strength from me of all people. This was such an important day and stepstone in your journey and to think that I was to be a part of that is just so humbling and flattering. I guess it took me reading that posting to really see that I was important to you that day and that is so awesome a compliment I can’t describe it. Ms. Markie, (I call my friends that I respect highly Ms. ___). So Ms. Markie, in honor of that beautiful spiritual awakening, I spent the last 2 hours, making you an e-mail with a picture of blue mountains, dark blue typing, and light blue background paper! Now it only took me 2 hours to figure this out, girl, so I wanted it to be a little pretty while you read it. You highly honored me on your Day and for that I can never thank you. You know, I’ve been home sick and now I know why. The Lord has shown me many things while I was quiet and had time to listen. Now you told me everything in that posting but I never really heard it like you were feeling it. I am so thankful I learned this. Too busy with life to really hear it, feel it, and see it; Thank you for letting God use you! I think I have changed these last few days - not anxious or angry or loud, but quiet and humbled and (not so loud). Honestly, Ms. Markie, this was such an eye opener you will never know!!!!! Thank you, Sweetie, for giving me the strength for tomorrow, You will never know!!!!!!

msmarkieanna: This a cold winters day 12/10/2009. bright sun...

Thu, 10 Dec 2009 16:50:05 -0500

msmarkieanna:

This a cold winters day 12/10/2009. bright sun shine,6 degrees,in Milwaukee Wi.

shot and produced 12/10/09

Video

Tue, 01 Dec 2009 10:34:00 -0500

At work today..

Wed, 18 Nov 2009 10:29:48 -0500

msmarkieanna:

I had to do a task that was difficult to do at work today.I was asked to step out of my comfort zone and put my self in the unknown.In this instance I did not know what the out come would be.on this my day off , I arrived twenty minutes early and sat in my car. at the last moment I said If a certain friend and co worker of mine would show up I would go do what was asked of me.It was now 5 minutes prior to the start of work,and my friend pulls up and parks the car,she said she would show up for me,and I had just started the car to go home .so I was obligated to follow through with my task.My friend stated I will go with you,and be with you during the time . So we made our way to work .we walked in the meeting room,and stood in the back, and some seating opened up in the front row, so i suggested we sit up front.We Sat on the front row!

Today was awards day at work, and I was to attend the festivities dressed fancy in my best clothing . I was nervous ,due to the fact we work in uniforms and for the most part have not seen me dressed in street clothes. For our non uniform functions the dress code is business casual. That means nice tops and a pair of slacks. But today, was awards and it meant for me a nice top and a skirt and all the trimmings. having never been any thing but uniformed or business casual, I was nervous. I was afraid what people would think,or if people would laugh at me. We finished the awards, and headed for the lunch portion,where I received compliment after compliment.And rave reviews on my attire.My fear faded in to smiles and elation. In this case the risk was worth the reward. I did not receive a single reward,but was rewarded for my stepping out into the unknown,and Allowing God to lead the way.

My devotional verse this morning was Psalm 23:4’Yea,though I walk through the shadow of death ,I fear no evil :for thou art with me;thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.

I was in a shadow in the parking lot this morning,but he was with me,and provided for me.All I needed to do was trust him,and he took care of me.